So I’m back on IV antibiotics. I’ve actually been on them for two weeks, and just haven’t pulled myself together enough to stop by and let you know. May passed in a “we all know what’s coming” kind of way, and by the time I started the IV’s I was glad to have them. I’m definitely making progress and feeling the help from the meds, and am very grateful for that! I still have some lingering issues but I mean, it could be allergies. Could be lots of things. At least I can breathe.
I’m hoping to be done on Friday. But I’d rather stay on longer and get the maximum benefit (if needed) than cut things short. So we’ll see!
Something that’s been coming up lately is how my body is running out of veins for picc lines (in my arm, like in the picture). Separately from CF, I have bad veins, and it’s turning into an issue. For that reason, I’ll need a port sometime soon-ish for IV access. Ports are relatively permanent, unlike a picc line, and it would stay in my chest. I’ve had this emotional hang-up about it for years, which always adds to the anxiety of getting a picc placed. I am always bracing for the day when they say a picc isn’t happening. So a few weeks before I started IV’s this time, I went through a funk and just grieved a little bit about this thing that’s going to happen. Although I know I’ll be glad to have it, I don’t want it. Know what I mean? Having a cancer scare really changed my opinion about the port (who cares!! I’m alive!!!) but I know that until I’ve got it, it’s lurking at me. And I don’t like lurkers.
All that to say, I have to tell you. God has lavishly, I mean LAV-ISH-LY dished out giant portions of peace, contentment, and general joy on me. The day I had my line placed, emotions weren’t even on the table. (It was important, since we had options to discuss with the doctors, and who wants to be the raving loon in the OR?) More than physical health, which is very important to me, I am desperate for mental health. Emotional health. A steady heart, a spirit of joy, an ability to just do what I have to do and live my life. In fact, if I cry, it’s because I am so grateful for this specific gift that He’s given me, time and again. I know that I can’t depend on my physical health, I get it. But I do need His help. Big time. You know how people love to say that God won’t give you anything more than you can handle? I don’t think that’s in the Bible.. I think that God sometimes allows things to happen in our lives, that we really can’t handle. And that’s when He does some of His best work.
So actually things have been pretty good around here despite the fact that I’m on IV’s. I’m optimistic that I can get back to a zone that I feel pretty healthy in, and am not surprised that I needed this round, since my last one in January got cut short. Also, I should probably write a whole post, or maybe just create a whole special blog about how much I love my husband. Another example of God just dumping out unfair amounts of goodness on me.
One more thing – Mark (my brother) is back on orals, and not feeling well. Please pray for healing! His little girl is turning TWO on Saturday – ohmygoshJane – and being sick is hard on families.
If you made it this far, congrats! Thanks for your love & support. I promise I’ll start answering emails sometime soon. Promise.