In case you can’t tell yet, guys, we had a really fun vacation out west this month. I’m nowhere near done sharing posts about it yet (sorry) (not sorry) but today I wanted to share a little bit about my health and how it played into things.
This spring I was pretty sick for weeks, and when I came out of it I had lost some ground in my lung function. It felt/seemed pretty permanent this time because there had been some other changes as well – probably due to a new bacteria that took up residence in my lungs. My doctor told me that I could maybe gain some of that function back – and also that I might not be able to. He’s never said things like that before, and it was new territory for us.
For the first few weeks (at least) into normal life activities, my health was constantly on my mind. Analyzing every little thing, all day long, and wondering what was part of the new “normal” and what was a potential problem. I don’t like spending so much energy thinking about these things, but it happened unintentionally. So even though I was feeling better, I wasn’t feeling like “myself”. I was pre-occupied. I blogged less, I called my friends less, I sent emails probably not at all. Ha. I think I just needed time to process the loss of part of my health, and to resume the fight to keep what I have.
As summer progressed, things gradually became easier and more routine. We prepared for our trip knowing that this would be my first time travelling since being sick, so we scheduled in more resting time than we usually would have. One of the best parts of the trip for me was how it took me out of my daily routine, shook up my schedule, and gave me a break from analysis of my health. Turns out variety really is good for the soul!
Thankfully, my health remained stable during the trip. I had been having sinus stuff going on, & still did when we got back home, but nothing severe. It was enough, though, that by the time I had a routine doctor appointment last week, I was expecting bad news. I felt kinda “blugh”. There was no way I’d do any better on my PFT (breathing test). Probably would be starting antibiotics. Blugh.┬áIn my head, I lost that ground in the spring, and this was proof that I probably wouldn’t be getting it back.
But here’s where it gets crazy – my appointment went much better than I had expected. I actually gained back about HALF of what I had lost in the spring! While still feeling kinda blugh! I know, this is getting long & tedious to read, but guys. Bottom line is, in the middle of me trying to accept the loss of (some of) my health, I was actually gaining it back. It is, to me, almost like a mini-miracle. There are several times in my life where I’ve felt that God gifted me in obvious ways and this is one. I am once again in awe of what He has done for me. This isn’t as dramatic as, say, not having cancer when you thought you did, but it still feels like a gentle hug from my Healer. I’ll take it. Boy will I ever.
I guess I just wanted to let you know where things are because I haven’t said a whole lot about my health this summer. It’s hard to find a balance sometimes. I don’t like to complain when things aren’t great, and I don’t like to rave when they’re awesome, because I think real life is somewhere in the middle. I’m guessing the same is true for you in your life, whatever it is that you struggle with.
These days, post-vacation, post-happy appointment, I’m feeling good. But this summer has reminded me not to place my hope in my physical health (or anything physical for that matter). My hope is in Jesus. Period.
By the way, Josh had strep throat when we got back from our trip. Maybe had it for up to two weeks, even. (Poor guy!) I’m still shocked that he didn’t share it with me. I mean he’s such a generous guy, usually.
Thanks for sticking around & for your love and prayers, guys! Now I’ll just get back to hugging that agave..